On April 24, 2022 I moved back to Georgia. I transferred to the Food Lion in Springfield, GA. The same county I lived in when I first moved to Georgia when I was 25 In 1986. Butch & I started our family there and that is where Dustin is buried. I will be buried by Dustin.
I sense that God wanted to bring me back to where all my grief & anger started after Dustin’s death. I have so much to deal with and face. I will be going back to my first church there near where I use to live in Griffin Lakes, Guyton, Ga.
I’ve had a lot of adjusting to do with bringing Willa, my youngest daughter Taylor’s dog, into my life. I’ve never been a dog mom. I am trying my best through mistakes & learning from them. The gas prices are high & it seems I only go to work and come home. My longtime friends Dacia & Damien has provided an RV Camper for me to live in.
My second daughter Paige & her family is only 30 minutes from me and now I get to spend more time with my two grandchildren Sawyer (6) and Fynleigh (3, born on my birthday).
Since I’ve been here Butch, and our marriage has been on my mind a lot. I’m remembering what caused the divorce and how there were some things I wish could of been different. I also remember how he hindered my grief and kept me stuck while I was crying out for help, not only with my husband but also with my pastor & church family. I feel like no one listened. No one really cared about me, they tolerated me because they liked Butch. When you’re alone in your grief & pain and everyone avoids you your mind thinks the most negative things. That’s the stuff that’s in my mind.
Work is going the best it can while we are in a food crisis. Everyone is on edge & worried. I’m trying to keep them informed if they would listen. No one wants to listen when the world is falling apart in front of them. It’s so sad.
Oh wow how do I explain being single. I’ve been divorced 3 times. My first husband we were 18, married at 19 & had our daughter turning 20. He was only 6 months older (I do prefer my age group). When our daughter was 6 months old he wanted to divorce because he wanted other women. I guess it was true for us about marrying too young. My 2nd & 3rd were 10 years together each. My 2nd was who Dustin & Allison’s dad was & our oldest daughter together is our only surviving child. Both Alan & Butch have passed away. My last husband was 8 years younger & that was always a no no with me but I did. We had my youngest daughter together. He is very narcissistic & I didn’t even know what all that was until like 5 years ago. After our divorce I did not want to date because I was screwing up with my choices! I needed to find me in that process & I think all women should after divorce. Losing Dustin basically ruined mine & Butch’s marriage. Men are buttholes! They are either narcissistic & abusers or they take you for granted. Butch took me for granted to where I wasn’t even told I was beautiful. Like they get you to fall in love and give up on how they did it to begin with. I am not lesbian either. I don’t trust men. And more so now I would only want a man that researches the Bible with world events. He has to believe like me or it would not work. I wouldn’t even be attracted if he is not paying attention to what is going on. I’m very open minded & accept other people’s views but when it comes to my “man” we have to be in agreement. They are hard to find. And no man can understand me right now after burying 2 children. I am still vulnerable with my PTSD triggers with “mean” people.
I will add more when things come to mind. If you’re choosing to stay single please comment why…
Generalized anxiety disorder
Also called: GAD
Requires a medical diagnosis
The condition has symptoms similar to panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other types of anxiety. These symptoms include constant worry, restlessness, and trouble with concentration.
Take a self-assessment
People may experience:
Pain areas: in the back
Whole body: fatigue, lightheadedness, or sweating
Behavioral: hypervigilance, irritability, or restlessness
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Psychological: severe anxiety or fear
Also common: emotional distress, excessive worry, difficulty falling asleep, headache, nausea, palpitations, repeatedly going over thoughts, or trembling
A humble person is a growing person who is quick to read, invite feedback, and ask good questions. A humble person is at peace with themselves and others. Humility embraces contentment and simplicity. It doesn’t need to have the nicest or be the best.
Reviewed by Carol DerSarkissian on November 10, 2019
You thought it was behind you. When time passes after a traumatic event, it’s natural to think your mind and body have healed and moved on. But symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can pop up months or even years later.
Unlike a rash or broken arm, PTSD can be tough to identify, especially when it’s happening in your own mind. Though it can look and feel like depression or rage, PTSD is different. And it can affect everything from the way you sleep to your relationships at home and work.
If you see yourself in any of these symptoms, check with your doctor for a diagnosis.
Whether you’re thinking about it or not, memories of the traumatic event can come back to bother you. You may experience them in your sleep as nightmares or during the day as flashbacks. That means you relive the event as if it’s happening for the first time.
Both can cause you to feel anxious, afraid, guilty, or suspicious. These emotions may play out physically in the form of chills, shaking, headaches, heart palpitations, and panic attacks.
You don’t want to think about it. You don’t want to talk about it. You steer clear of everyone and everything that reminds you of the event, including places and activities.
Avoidance can also mean staying away from people in general — not just the ones connected with the event. This can cause you to feel detached and alone.
Doctors call these “arousal symptoms.” They can make your emotions more intense or make you react differently than you normally would. For example, if you’re a careful driver, you might start driving too fast or be super-aggressive on the road. Irrational, angry outbursts are very common.
Many find it hard to focus. Feelings of danger and being under attack can ruin concentration and keep you from finishing tasks you do every day. This can also lead to trouble sleeping, whether you’re having nightmares or not.
PTSD doesn’t always come with clues like nightmares and flashbacks. Sometimes it seems like a mood change unrelated to the traumatic event.
You’ll know it by its negativity. You may feel hopeless, numb, or bad about yourself or others. Thoughts of suicide can come and go. Deep feelings of guilt and shame are common, as well.
Activities you normally enjoy may not interest you anymore. Your motivation to maintain relationships with close friends and family could be low.