Tag: #Self-examination

Posted in Blog

Allison is forever 25 and it hurts!

Posted on by Leah

Today would have been Allison’s 31st birthday! I miss her so much!

She was so beautiful.  A natural country girl.  Sometimes she was “girly girly” but mostly a natural beauty without even trying. 

She always wanted to spend time with me. Out of all my daughters she begged for me the most. What happened between us was a lifetime of pain. Misunderstanding that put her in the crossfire with the divorce of her dad. Out of spite he stole her from me. She misunderstood that I abandoned her. The position that “spitefully using the children” against the other parent causes mental issues for the child. Her dad also took her older sister too. They moved to Alabama while I stayed in Georgia. Her dad was supposed to stay in Georgia until Allison was eighteen & graduated from high school. She was supposed to grow up with both parents with only a county apart at the most from each other. Yeah, Divorce sucks & ruins the children the most. I got Paige back within a couple of years, but he would not give Allison back. I begged and begged. I did not have the money to get a lawyer & pursue my rights. To me it was very evil to spitefully use children against each other in a divorce.  Children should have both parents.

I was also in a sense emotionally checked out because of losing Dustin at 4 months old two years before Allison’s birth. My girls grew up with a mom grieving the hell out of her baby and wanting to die. With this mindset my former husband was able to take full advantage of me while grieving and I did not know my rights that were hidden from me during our fast 30-day divorce in Georgia. I was robbed of our two daughters, and in my grief I could not think clearly. In 1994 when we divorced, I had no counseling for losing Dustin. That is another chapter to be written later.

Allison & I were able to work everything out 5 years before her death. After she was a mom and faced divorce. I feel like a failure so much because maybe if I wouldn’t have divorced her dad, she would have had a much much better life. This is my regret the most for Allison.

Posted in Allison, Blog, Dustin, Lessons from God, Trauma

Yelling

Posted on by Leah

I saw this on Twitter today & I had to save this to an image. I needed to see this. 84 likes so far. I don’t like yelling & talking loud. This is what my anger from my grief has done to me. I’m praying for healing. I do also plan on going back to my first GriefShare group I attended in February 2015. I’m also talking to a few close friends that are helping me.

Posted in Video Journals

When We Fall Apart

Posted on by Leah

youtube.com/watch

I Will write soon about how this video/song makes me feel.

“The only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart”

I’ve been a mess for a long time after losing Dustin in 1989. Then 28 years later, after having the last 4 years with Allison before her life ended in 2017. She was so hurt & traumatized by the results of my divorce from her father & his way of hurting me back was to spitefully use the girls against me. Allison made amends when she learned the true story after being surrounded by lies in her childhood. She had to experience some of the things I did to truly understand & make amends. We were so happy together & when we were not with each other she would call & have long chats about her life, my life & the best of all: conspiracy theories. She was so smart! I miss her terribly.

❤️

Leah

Posted in Lessons from God

A Humble Person is:

Posted on by Leah

*Teachable

*Is at peace with themselves & others.

*Is grateful

*Is slow to offend

*Asks for help

*Treats everybody with respect

*Is patient & doesn’t get easily frustrated with the imperfections of others.

*Recognizes their own limitations

*Celebrates the accomplishments of others

*Open to a deep relationship with God

From TikTok

Source

Posted in Trauma

Generalized Anxiety Symptoms caused by Trauma

Posted on by Leah

Generalized anxiety disorder
Also called: GAD
OverviewSymptomsTreatmentsNewsSpecialists
Symptoms
Requires a medical diagnosis
The condition has symptoms similar to panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and other types of anxiety. These symptoms include constant worry, restlessness, and trouble with concentration.

Take a self-assessment
People may experience:
Pain areas: in the back
Whole body: fatigue, lightheadedness, or sweating
Behavioral: hypervigilance, irritability, or restlessness
Cognitive: lack of concentration or unwanted thoughts
Psychological: severe anxiety or fear
Also common: emotional distress, excessive worry, difficulty falling asleep, headache, nausea, palpitations, repeatedly going over thoughts, or trembling

Posted in Trauma

PTSD Symptoms

Posted on by Leah

Symptoms of PTSD

Reviewed by Carol DerSarkissian on November 10, 2019
You thought it was behind you. When time passes after a traumatic event, it’s natural to think your mind and body have healed and moved on. But symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can pop up months or even years later.

Unlike a rash or broken arm, PTSD can be tough to identify, especially when it’s happening in your own mind. Though it can look and feel like depression or rage, PTSD is different. And it can affect everything from the way you sleep to your relationships at home and work.

If you see yourself in any of these symptoms, check with your doctor for a diagnosis.

Memories

Whether you’re thinking about it or not, memories of the traumatic event can come back to bother you. You may experience them in your sleep as nightmares or during the day as flashbacks. That means you relive the event as if it’s happening for the first time.

Both can cause you to feel anxious, afraid, guilty, or suspicious. These emotions may play out physically in the form of chills, shaking, headaches, heart palpitations, and panic attacks.

Avoidance

You don’t want to think about it. You don’t want to talk about it. You steer clear of everyone and everything that reminds you of the event, including places and activities.

Avoidance can also mean staying away from people in general — not just the ones connected with the event. This can cause you to feel detached and alone.

Behavior Changes

Doctors call these “arousal symptoms.” They can make your emotions more intense or make you react differently than you normally would. For example, if you’re a careful driver, you might start driving too fast or be super-aggressive on the road. Irrational, angry outbursts are very common.

Many find it hard to focus. Feelings of danger and being under attack can ruin concentration and keep you from finishing tasks you do every day. This can also lead to trouble sleeping, whether you’re having nightmares or not.

Mood Swings

PTSD doesn’t always come with clues like nightmares and flashbacks. Sometimes it seems like a mood change unrelated to the traumatic event.

You’ll know it by its negativity. You may feel hopeless, numb, or bad about yourself or others. Thoughts of suicide can come and go. Deep feelings of guilt and shame are common, as well.

Activities you normally enjoy may not interest you anymore. Your motivation to maintain relationships with close friends and family could be low.